so I suppose that makes me triply overdue for a real post.
But an introvert having a blog and posting regularly on it is a rare thing. You guys are ALL extroverts, right? E-this, E-that - and here am I, INFJ, and not just sort of introverted. 100% introverted. I am a loner, and always will be. I used to have problems with that, and be lonely as well as a loner (which is kind of a contradiction). I basically thought that I was a loner because there wasn't anyone like me, and I yearned for people like me to hang out with. And, you know, there may not be anyone like me, but now I'm reconciled to that and rather reconciled to being a loner. I rarely have the urge to tell people what happened to me yesterday and what's going on in my brainspace and what big emotional paradox I'm trying to sort out. I tend to keep it inside of me and chew on it for a long, long time, and eventually come to a conclusion about all of it, but sometimes I don't even tell people that. It reminds me of a verse in Luke that says "And Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart." I assume she was an introvert too.
Psychologists say it's bad for people to internalize things and not talk about them. I don't trust psychologists very much. I wonder if it is really that it is bad for extroverts to internalize things when they don't want to, and perhaps bad for introverts to externalize things when they don't want to. I am not saying that introverts should all go off and live in a cave and never speak to another human being - that takes a very special kind of person and most of us (including me) would go insane without any human contact, but some people need a lot less of it than others. During the school year, you didn't hear anything from me because I felt inundated with people and couldn't wait to get away from it all so I could stop and think. I went from being around people a few hours a week when I was homeschooled - maybe ten hours - to being around people the majority of my waking hours. I was desperate for alone time.
Now, I thought that a blog would make life simpler, because I could keep up with ten people with the amount of stress that I would normally get from keeping up with one. Well, apparently it was still not simple enough. I haven't kept up with anyone outside of classmates, my piano teacher, and my parents, all of whom saw me anyway. Diaries never worked for me either.
So I can't even keep up with the slowest of you in terms of posting speed. Are you willing to wait for that? It's what you get when you ask (ahem, strong-arm) an introvert into trying to keep a blog. Not to mention one whose major outlet is non-verbal.
Oh, you still want to know what's happening around here? (Faugh, they'll never get it, Lirael.) I am checking out books galore from all of the libraries I have access to, getting lost in fantasy/sci-fi worlds again, which I haven't really done for about two and a half years, trying to get a job at a music store, practicing (I feel as if I am a worse pianist than I was at the beginning of the year, what with less time to practice and rushing pieces for recitals), thinking about some compositional ideas, trying to guess what kind of flute I'm getting for my birthday (two decades gone already...), and sneezing from allergies. Oh, and JCC has a German Bible in their library, so I've checked it out for the summer and am teaching myself German. 'Tis the first foreign language I've sunk my teeth into for years!
The Two Kinds of Moderate
1 year ago
20 comments:
*hugs* I'm glad you posted!! In fact I came to your blog to ask you to make a new post and BAM! There it was without even asking. :-)
I'm an introvert too! Sometimes it is good to keep things inside and chew on them for a long time but then there are those other times where it is important to talk with somebody about it because, instead of you chewing on it, it eats away at you inside.
There is more I could say on the subject but I am too tired tonight. Oh, are you coming to family camp??
JCC family camp? If you're going to be there, I will make arrangements promptly. :-)
That is the camp! I will be coming. :-) In fact, I will be helping run the children's program. It would be awesome if you came too!!
oh gosh. your life sounds....complicated. :)
I was just thinking about you last week actually, with all this French stuff I've been doing at school. when you told me you could read it fine but not speak it I was like, that's weird. but now I understand. I can understand so much more than I can say! coming up with those words is tough, and then figuring out the right order and whatnot to put them in. but reading French books is so much fun, if time-consuming. one question - why do they add a de and que to so many things? it just doesn't translate....
actually, I'm an introvert. when I'm with close friends (like at Camp Hope when we met) I get really outgoing for awhile. sometimes up to the whole week. but I defintely need my alone time (esp. as an only child, you know what I mean about that). but around people I don't know so well, I'd just as soon not talk. I'd rather watch the game than participate. I'm not that person who makes great friends with everyone in class by the third day of school. no, I'd just as soon keep quiet, keep my grades up, and go home when class is over.
Ha, I did that personality thing forever ago and I was INT....something. it changed and we all got confused and now I don't know what. but it's definately I for introverted.
what is it with getting out of college and then just reading reading reading forever and ever? it seems we're all doing it now that we're out. fantasy, huh? Anna just finished Harry Potter series, and I'm just transitioning from the Thief series to king Arthur. interesting. those dry textbooks have confined our brains for too long!
anyway, I hope you can be on a little bit more now that it's summer! we'll wait though - no pressure to make posts just because, if you don't feel like it.
I'm surprised you're an introvert, Kacy. You're so extroverted online and you post gigantic long posts almost every single day! How do you do it?
re: French de and que. Eventually I just 'heard' them in my head as 'of' and 'that', even where it didn't make much sense to the English phrasing, and figured out a rough paraphrase to use when actually trying to make someone else understand my translation. I am going through the same thing with German. The problem words are 'nach' and 'auf' (which usually means of, but not always), and worst of all, 'aber', which seems to mean nothing at all because the sentence makes perfect sense in English leaving the 'aber' out entirely! I wonder how long I will hold out before I actually look them up in a dictionary.
The reason I am burying myself in fantasy and sci-fi is to get away. Homeschooling was a lot more fun than college, so to compensate, I seek pleasure in other worlds...
Yeah, that totally makes sense. and I agree - homeschooling was way more fun. drat school. but - it's summer!
I don't know...I guess my outlet has always been in written words. and like I said, it's just with my closest friends. I doubt I would be so active if these were just a bunch of people I didn't really know, or care to know better. But, we all have our own way of letting things out. speaking, writing, music....anything. for me it's always been writing and so that's how I manage to put so much on my blog. and most of the things on my blog are just there - I don't talk about them a lot with other people. so honestly, I am an introvert. :)
hmmm....you know how some people seem so different online than in person? there should be a personality test for online people.....
Nice to have you back Crystal! No obligation to post all the time... I'd never considered that this was an E-I thing. I used to think I was the only E on blogs, but now I think Beth and Lindy and maybe even Michaela might be E's too. Anna and Kacy and Lucy are I's though!
What do you mean your main mode of communication is non-verbal? lol, I love this kind of stuff. :-)
Non-verbal communication meaning music. And dance. Specific to me, anyway. Non-verbal communication in general would be any method of communication other than spoken and written words, which would include things like smoke signals, sign language, computer programming languages (which are actually partially verbal because they use words), music and dance, facial expressions and body language, etc. Still language, but not verbal language.
By the way, one of my pet peeves is people arguing the superiority of verbal communication because of 1 John. In the beginning was the Word, etc. 'The Word' in this case, is the Greek 'logos'. Reference earlier post of mine to see how many different things 'logos' can mean besides 'word'!
I like smoke signals. I think, as an "I," I would like my main form of communication to be smoke signals from now on. now which of my pyrotechnic friends will be joining me?
*smirks*
Very interesting! I thought that's what you might mean, but I wanted to check. ;-) I've never considered that there even were other main modes of communication, to be honest.
I agree with Crystal. I think the modes and genres of communication are endless. I love body language and facial expressions. I don't know what to do with stoic people. Lol jk.
Beautiful post Crystal! No pressure at all. Thank you so much for making this last one though because it makes a lot of sense.
So a few weeks ago I was freaking out that maybe I had lost my curious, outgoing tendencies and became an introvert! I wasn't engaging at all and avoiding conversation. I felt boring. (And that is absolutely NOT implying that introverts are boring or uninteresting. It's just as an E, feeling like an I was very abnormal.) But not to worry, I got my E tendencies back and feel like a teenager more than I ever have before. Which is ironic because I've been fighting my adolesent tendencies my whole life, and now that I'm past the majority of my insecurities, I'm not worrying about the teenage tendencies I see inhabiting my actions. (I said tendencies a lot just now.)
I think it depends on the people and the mood I'm in whether or not I'm E. There are times where I can make easy conversation with complete strangers, and other times I just work away in silence, completely ignorant to opportunites to engage.
ok, it's 10:30. I need to go to bed.
Hey Crystal, I saw you today. :-)
lol Lindy. I agree that people can really toggle (haha! toggle is a cool word!) between being introverted or extroverted. That's the hardest one for me to figure out.
re: 'toggling.' People can definitely go back and forth from talkative and quiet, but their overall tendency will be in one direction or the other. And I don't really even like defining introverted and extroverted by how much they talk; my favorite definition is that you're extroverted if you gain energy from being around people, and introverted if you have to 'recharge' after talking a lot. According to those definitions, I am an introvert, even during times when I do a lot of talking, like now.
Haha that's a good way to label people. Though I still toggle quite a bit between even those definitions.
I just love everything, am everything at one point or another, and consistently hate only the orange air freshener my mom uses.
:)
Yeah, me too Lindy. Although I would agree that deep down I consistantly revert back to Extroversion- that when I'm acting or feeling introverted it's because I'm upset about something or something isn't right- it's not my natural pattern.
And you're right Crystal, people totally misuse those words, including me. :-)
Lol
HI CRYSTAL!!! I'm totally excited to see you at teen camp and, yeah. :)
IT'S CRYSTAL!!! Hi. I think it's time for your once every three months post. ;)
Yes, it is, actually. I wrote one last night and hadn't posted it yet because it needs some work. But I don't have time to work on it now, so I'll just post it and maybe edit later. Read at your own peril.
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