Yeah, school is over and has been for a while...

so I suppose that makes me triply overdue for a real post.

But an introvert having a blog and posting regularly on it is a rare thing. You guys are ALL extroverts, right? E-this, E-that - and here am I, INFJ, and not just sort of introverted. 100% introverted. I am a loner, and always will be. I used to have problems with that, and be lonely as well as a loner (which is kind of a contradiction). I basically thought that I was a loner because there wasn't anyone like me, and I yearned for people like me to hang out with. And, you know, there may not be anyone like me, but now I'm reconciled to that and rather reconciled to being a loner. I rarely have the urge to tell people what happened to me yesterday and what's going on in my brainspace and what big emotional paradox I'm trying to sort out. I tend to keep it inside of me and chew on it for a long, long time, and eventually come to a conclusion about all of it, but sometimes I don't even tell people that. It reminds me of a verse in Luke that says "And Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart." I assume she was an introvert too.

Psychologists say it's bad for people to internalize things and not talk about them. I don't trust psychologists very much. I wonder if it is really that it is bad for extroverts to internalize things when they don't want to, and perhaps bad for introverts to externalize things when they don't want to. I am not saying that introverts should all go off and live in a cave and never speak to another human being - that takes a very special kind of person and most of us (including me) would go insane without any human contact, but some people need a lot less of it than others. During the school year, you didn't hear anything from me because I felt inundated with people and couldn't wait to get away from it all so I could stop and think. I went from being around people a few hours a week when I was homeschooled - maybe ten hours - to being around people the majority of my waking hours. I was desperate for alone time.

Now, I thought that a blog would make life simpler, because I could keep up with ten people with the amount of stress that I would normally get from keeping up with one. Well, apparently it was still not simple enough. I haven't kept up with anyone outside of classmates, my piano teacher, and my parents, all of whom saw me anyway. Diaries never worked for me either.

So I can't even keep up with the slowest of you in terms of posting speed. Are you willing to wait for that? It's what you get when you ask (ahem, strong-arm) an introvert into trying to keep a blog. Not to mention one whose major outlet is non-verbal.

Oh, you still want to know what's happening around here? (Faugh, they'll never get it, Lirael.) I am checking out books galore from all of the libraries I have access to, getting lost in fantasy/sci-fi worlds again, which I haven't really done for about two and a half years, trying to get a job at a music store, practicing (I feel as if I am a worse pianist than I was at the beginning of the year, what with less time to practice and rushing pieces for recitals), thinking about some compositional ideas, trying to guess what kind of flute I'm getting for my birthday (two decades gone already...), and sneezing from allergies. Oh, and JCC has a German Bible in their library, so I've checked it out for the summer and am teaching myself German. 'Tis the first foreign language I've sunk my teeth into for years!