Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving, people!

I am thankful for all of you, and I'm thankful that Pastor Harris invited me to play at Junior Camp so I could end up meeting such wonderful people, and I'm thankful to God for giving him the idea to start the whole thing.

Hey, I've got a plan. It's kind of a last-minute thing, so it might not work, but it'd be cool if it did. How about everyone who reads this post today (it has to just be today) sends an email to Pastor Harris thanking him for starting the amazing thing that is Camp Hope, and also posts on their blog telling everyone who reads it to do the same. Wouldn't that be the most awesome Thanksgiving surprise for him?

If you're not a language nerd, you might want to skip this

...on the other hand, if you are a language nerd, you might already know all this.

I love the Greek word logos. In the beginning was the Logos, and the Logos was with God, and the Logos was God. It means so much more than the English word 'word.' I've heard it translated 'reason,' or 'meaning,' or 'language,' and those are all good, but none of them really cut it alone.

Now I want to make an important distinction. When we talk about English words having more than one meaning, we usually mean multiple exclusive meanings, and we figure out which one someone means by the context of the word in the sentence. Either someone means one thing, or they mean the other, but not both.

Like the word 'plane.' Either someone means 'a flying contraption built by humans, with big noisy engines etc etc.' or they mean 'a flat geometrical surface with only two dimensions,' but they don't ever mean both at the same time.

That't not the kind of thing I'm talking about. What happens with Latin words all the time, and with Greek words sometimes, is that they include the meanings of more than one English word, and so we have to translate it different ways in different contexts to make it make sense, but it really means 'all of the above together, as a unit.' Like another of my favorite words, the French word (...but wait a minute! You didn't mention French! Yeah, okay, this pretty much happens in any language. As I was saying, like the French word) vrai. It means both true and real at the same time. I think combining those two ideas is so awesome...

Anyway, so here's a counter-example. English has one word for love, and we say I love my friends and God loves me and I love my old jeans that I've worn for years and years and I love my spouse (not me, of course, a married person), and those all use the same word. But if I translated those into Greek, each of those four phrases would use a different word for love.

So this is what I'm talking about with logos. It means word, and language, and meaning, and reason, all at once, and all as a unit, and all pointing to some idea behind all of those that wraps them up into a single, beautiful concept.

Postmodern Thought and the Teenage Lang

Y'know, like, how some people you meet, like, you notice they, like, say "like" like every other word?

I have a theory that this actually stems from Postmodernism.

See, part of Postmodernism is this idea that noone can really know what is real and unreal outside of their own mind. You know your mind is real because you are your mind. "I think, therefore I am." But beyond that, all your sense impressions, all your interactions with other people, could be your own imagination or someone else's. I'm told the Matrix is essentially based on the idea that half the world is living in a computer-generated world and doesn't realize it. (I haven't actually seen it, so correct me if I'm wrong.) It also reminds me of The Truman Show. I've even entertained the idea myself that everyone around me is in this vast conspiracy and places like London or New York or India or Alaska don't really exist, I'm just made to believe they do. Postcards are all CGI. I mean, if movies look real, reality could be fake! But I'm waxing loquacious.

If everything could just be an appearance of reality, for all we know, we can't make any definitive statements at all about what we see happening around us. We can only say it was "like" it happened.

So, I'm, like, sitting at my computer. And, like, I've got these blog friends that, like, comment on stuff I say. But I don't know if any of it is really there or not.

So, it's the sixth week of college...

...about time for an update on all those questions I had before orientation.

First, the good news. Piano is continuing, although on an every-other-week schedule. I'm in Concert Choir and that's wonderful. I tested out of a year and a half of theory, I'm doing well in all my classes and handling the load well - so far I'm getting A's in all my classes except Speech. I'm meeting a lot of new people and I am enjoying that.

Bad news: I'm not in any music classes besides choir and I miss that a LOT. I especially miss orchestra and am thinking about asking Cascade if they'll let another viola in a month late. Even though I'm meeting a lot of new people, I don't really see any good friendships developing from that except for one. I'm doing well in all my classes and handling the load well.

What? I said that was a good thing too? It's both. The scoop is that I'm not sure I'm really learning and being challenged to do my best, now that I've grown accustomed to the schedule. Here is a little taste from today's writing class.



It's ten or fifteen minutes from the end of the period. The teacher says "We're a little tight on time, so we're going to switch gears. I want to hand out your papers now."

This is the first paper we've done for the class, and we're all a little apprehensive about our grades. She's mentioned that if we get a B- or lower, we will need to go to the writing center for editing on all our future assignments.

Our teacher continues, "Some of your papers were good..."

Mine's probably in that category, I think. From what I've seen in the peer editing sessions, I'm one of the stronger writers in the group.

"...some of them were a little scary. And one of them was outstanding."

I hope that one's not mine. Please let there be a really good writer here.

"...so good, in fact, that I wish I'd written it myself."

A feeling of certainty and dread rises in my stomach. I'm positive she's talking about mine, and she's giving it compliments it doesn't deserve.

"So I'm going to read it out loud to you. The author will remain anonymous."

Augh. Undeserved honors. Here it goes, she's gonna read mine and I'll blush or do something else obvious so that everyone knows it's mine...

Michelle, the girl next to me, an outspoken personality I've spent a lot of time with, says, "I bet it's McKenna. Her comments are so good."

I turn to McKenna, the pretty, intelligent blonde behind us, and agree quickly to hide my nervousness. "Yeah, I bet it's you."

More half-articulated thoughts impose themselves quickly over each other as she pulls out the paper and prepares to read. The people who edited mine in peer editing will know it's mine. It can't be mine. It's going to be mine. Why do I always react this way to honors? It's not something to blush over. I don't want to be singled out as the best writer in the group. I want company.

She begins by reading the title. "A Split Reality."

It's mine.



I'm feeling a little lonely today. Anyone else have these days?

Coincidence

Today I picked up a book of poetry and idly flipped to page 51, because 51 is my number. Lo and behold, the poem on that page happened to be chock-full of musical references.

This post is about patterns.

Have you ever listened to a piece of music for the umpteenth time (or maybe just the second) and suddenly noticed that a section in the middle uses the same theme as the beginning, but you never noticed before because the composer does something totally and beautifully different with it? Do you know the shiver that runs down your spine when you get it?

Have you ever read a book over again and suddenly realized the deeper meaning the author was pointing to in a passage that you only understood superficially the first time? Do you know the thrill of comprehension when you see it?

Has that ever happened to you in real life?

Even if my worldview didn't tell me so, I would come away from my everyday existence with an uncanny sense that there is a pattern to my life and to the universe. Most of the time I don't see the pattern - as Lewis said, it's written in letters too large for me to read - but every once in a while, I get a glimpse of the big picture. Every once in a while, a tiny corner of the curtain is pulled aside, and I see some connection between two things that seem totally unrelated on my normal level of comprehension. I still don't understand why they're related, because I can only see an infinitely tiny portion of the real pattern, but I can see it is Designed, not random.

This happens to me over and over again, and it gives me a sense of awe every time.

Just a note (this one's an A flat, I think)

My entire senior recital is now available online at www.stellwagen.us/recital.html

*takes deep breath for the plunge*

Well, college orientation starts this afternoon. I may not be blogging much in the next few weeks. I'm having very mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I will get to meet a lot of new people and at least some of them will end up becoming lifelong friends. On the other hand, being around a lot of people can be difficult for me, and I'm not going to get very much of my precious alone time anymore ('though I am staying at home, not on campus, so I'll get some). But on the other hand, I get to learn a lot of new stuff and that excites me! But on the other hand, I'm going to have a bigger load this year than I've had in a while, and on top of that, a couple of classes I'm not going to enjoy (like writing - I have issues with writing). But on the other hand, I get to be in a choir again for the first time in a year and a half, and I can't wait!!!...but on the other hand, I've still got to convince the music prof that I DO belong in Concert Choir, not Choralons (the less challenging group). I also have to talk with him about continuing lessons with my current piano teacher, not a teacher at the school, which is looking a lot less likely to happen than it was, because I just found out my current teacher doesn't actually have a Bachelor's degree, even though he knows enough to have a doctorate. I could use some prayer about that. I know God will work everything out to His glory and my ultimate benefit, but losing my piano teacher would be about the worst thing I can imagine happing to me right now. It would be the difference between a challenging, but fun, year and an awful year.

So stir all that up together and you can figure out why I have a few knots in my stomach. I'm glad I have you guys to unload onto.

So what'm I supposed to do with this thing, anyway?

Well, I had another post planned on here, but I lost some sermon notes and now I can't finish it. It would have been really good too. I may try to salvage it.

I have this urge to fill up all the white space below my one-and-only post here. My original conception of this was that I'd use my blog to post really inspired bits of my own writing, like the one below, but since I'm not really that much of a writer, that would make for very erratic posting. So what would you all like to see on here besides that - updates on my life in general, book reviews (since I'm always reading), random musical insights that nobody will understand or care about except me, something else?

Oh, and tell me what you think of the layout, title, etc. too!

The Music of the Spheres

Stars His choir in the heavenly cathedral,
Precipiced mountains and proud pines its buttresses.
Echo by echo the song rings forth
From shaking foundations to silvery treble,
Treading, majestic, the vault from pole to pole,
Each note making hearts quiver and breath catch
Here on the tiled floor of land and sea, forest and plain
Where men stand, stained glass pictures of a greater reality.
Listen, mortal.
Can you hear the Music of the Spheres?